3 Main Lessons I’m Taking With Me Into 36

Meet people where they are and other lessons.

Moulding Beauty
4 min readJun 27, 2023

Things change so I have to change too. Adam Scythe

Someone did say that the only constant in life is change.

Woe unto you if you think you know it all. If you think that you’ll never need to change your mind about things or people. That’s the epitome of living in a parallel universe.

You really will be setting yourself up for a lot of disappointments.

That’s no way to live an abundant life.

Enough of the lectures, LOL. I come in peace, I promise. But you know, now that I’m 36, and officially not a youth anymore, I feel like I can start using, “Dear young people…”

I ushered my 36th year on earth, quietly and with the most important people in my life — my parents.

After all, it is their efforts that ensured my life.

Mama sang for me her version of happy birthday. Dad sacrificed one of his chickens for dinner. I can’t remember the last time I celebrated my birthday with my parents.

It was the most special.

It is in the quietness and introspection that 35 passed the baton to 36 with some wisdom.

The wisdom I’m about to share with you. I hope they resonate with you on some level. I hope they give you something to think about.

  1. Mums Are The Ultimate MVPs of all Time.

Since I was home with the parents for a while, I got to have some in-depth and honest conversations with them individually.

When my mum shared her journey of life with me — the sacrifices she made, especially for us, her kids - I was humbled and filled with awe. The biggest sacrifice, putting her kids first. Thinking about all the mums I know and the stories I’ve heard, this seems to be a thread all mums share.

A love so fierce that it disregards the self for the sake of another.

While I wish this wasn’t the case, I was just reminded to forever be in awe of my mother.

It also gave me so much empathy and grace for her and the things about her that I find myself wanting to question. Perfect segue to lesson 2

2. Meet People Where They Are. Not where you think they should be.

Stop having expectations of people that they didn’t sign up for.

And for the love of God, you and your good intentions need to just sit somewhere and have a cup of tea. Yes, you see their potential, and that’s all nice. However, trying to speak into potential that the potential holder is not interested in acknowledging leads to so much strife.

It’s just not worth the effort.

People will be who they are.

They don’t need your approval. Also, who made you the boss of anyone and how they should live their lives? Yup, focus on you cos you can only ever control you and take a chill pill.

Yup. 35 wasn’t playing with my 36 year old self when she gave this specific lesson.

She’s seen me do this too many times before. She knows what she’s talking about.

3. Be Unapologetically You.

Of course, this had to be the 3rd lesson. After all, once you stop worrying about other people, you’ll have all the time to think about you and figure you out.

As a recovering perfectionist, people-pleasing was very high on my to-be list. Being a chameleon and changing depending on the situation and the person I’m with and what they need. Child, it’s exhausting!

And that’s not why Jesus left His comfy and cushiony aboard in heaven to come and die here for.

He died for us to have abundant life.

Nothing says abundant than owning your story and who you are and never apologising for it. And no, this doesn’t give you an excuse to be a toxic,mean, or negative person and say, ‘This is just me.’ I mean your essence.

Who you are when you are alone.

The things you like and don’t.

Your values. Your boundaries. Your non-negotiables. Once you figure out who you are, love her/him. Like her and then protect her/him from anyone who tries to change her/him or make her feel less than. And that’s on periodt!

Bonus lesson: Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

This is not an attempt to indoctrinate you.

However, my faith is very central to my life. I would be a mess if it wasn’t for my faith. I may not even be here.

There are times that darkness wrapped itself around me so tightly that if I didn’t believe in a God who loves me and cares about me and has all the best plans for me… So, if you have faith, hold onto it. It will always have your back.

It’s a Wrap

To wrap it all up, these three, will be my guiding lights for 36. I’m excited to see the paths they will lead me to and the experiences they will allow me to have.

Do you have any lessons you’d like to share or thoughts about mine? Please drop a comment. I’d like to hear and engage with you.


adoyo’s musings



Moulding Beauty

Musings about self-love, life, relationships by a Christian, INFJ, Enneagram Type 2, recovering perfectionist.