Dear Perfectionist, You Matter
Don’t let your insecurities be the boss of you.
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“Be willing to disappoint the world before you betray yourself.” Glennon Doyle.
These words have stuck with me from the first time I read them in the book Untamed by Ms Doyle.
I sat with them. I let them simmer. I meditated on them, trying to grasp the entirety of them; to fully grasp their power.
As a recovering perfectionist, people-pleasing is one of the things I did best. I was very good at putting my needs last (if they even made it to the list). I was more focused on ensuring everyone else was OK regardless of the cost to me.
I simply did not matter.
I cared more about being accepted and liked to ruffle any feathers.
Often, that involves a silencing of your voice; a quieting of your thoughts and opinions. It involves being a doormat, for others to do as they please and for you to just take it. It involves a betrayal of self.
And of all the things you can do against yourself, betraying yourself must be the worst.
Because you do matter.
And I know how difficult it can feel to choose yourself when you are so insecure about yourself. Because that’s all perfectionism is: “Insecurities dressed in designer wear.”
Insecurities, though, are not your friend.
They are not out here wanting what’s best for you.
If you let them be in charge, and take control, all they will do is drag and embarrass you. They will put you in situations that will make you question your decision-making abilities. “Did I just allow that person to disrespect me and I just took it?”
I haven’t perfected the “disappoint the world before I betray myself” mantra but I am definitely more aware.
I am able to catch myself more right before or while in the act.
The times I do let myself choose others over me, I try not to condemn myself but to be curious instead. “What is it about this situation or these people that made me dishonour myself?” The curiosity allows me to figure out something new about myself.
Once I figure out the “Why?” now I know what to avoid or how to handle a similar situation.
To choose yourself over people-pleasing feels like lifelong work.
It’s work that personally, I am OK engaging in and doing. Because I am worth the effort. And so are you.
If you struggle with people-pleasing, I hope you can start practising self-love and self-acceptance. It’s not easy but it is oh-so worth it because you are oh-so worth it.
xoxo
Adoyo Molla
