Nothing in Life is Permanent; Somethings Are. The Gift is in Knowing What is What?
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You can’t change when you were born or to whom you were born
Your can’t change the family you were born in. You can be estranged to them but just because you don’t acknowledge something doesn’t make it false.
You, however, can change your circumstances.
You can move away from your family if they are toxic.
You can change jobs if the one you have doesn’t feel right for you.
You can walk out of a relationship that no longer aligns with your values.
You can end friendships whose season has ended.
You can start over even after an almost crippling circumstance — especially if you decide to not care about what other people will think of you. Because truly, they don’t think of you as much as you think they do.
The starting over point, by the way, is more a note to self than anything else.
I’ve been in a what I can call a trance of sorts.
My life didn’t pan out the way I had hoped — shocker.
I went broke, like real broke. And that broke me.
I’ve stayed stuck in the “How could this happen to me” state a tad too long.
Of course, it’s not all my doing, but I did play some role.
With some of the decisions I made.
But, that’s not changing.
What’s happened has happened.
Whatever goals I had before 35, well, those need to be revised.
Cos 35 came and she’s on her way out and I mean, you just have to call it at some point.
Like how doctors have to call the time of death.
It’s important, I think, to actually end things. There’s some closure with saying rhe words.
“It’s over.” “It’s ended.” “Dead”.
That’s why I don’t understand (and have to ask God for strength to forgive), people who just walk out of your life without a word.
I don’t necessarily need an explanation, although that kindness would be appreciated. But please, just call it.
Have the guts to say, “It’s done.” “I’m leaving.” “This isn’t working for me anymore.”
After all, even at work, you have to let them know, and in advance,if you want to leave them.
I have to mourn the person I thought I’d be — for it is a loss, and with every loss, grief is never too far.
I have to call some of the dreams I had because time was a factor. Some though, I still can work on — just tweak a few things things here and there.
I finally have to be honest with myself and accept that I am starting over. There’s nothing wrong with that.
I’m not a failure because I made some wrong turns which slowed me down — I am human. And to be human is to mess up, if nothing else.
I have to forgive and give myself grace — so that I take away any power of anyone hurting me with their words by mentioning how, “Not together” I am in my mid-thirties.
God bless you, and the fact that you’ve got it all figured out. Truly, good for you.
But, I will no longer question my worth because I’m not on the timeline I put for myself — without consulting external factors of which I have zero control of — or because I am not where others would wish I was.
I am taking accountability because, after all, it is my life.
The first step was for me to say it out loud, “I’m broke!”
It’s a true statement now but its not a permanent one.
It’s a statement I can change; I am changing.
And I think now that I’ve owned my truth, I can release myself from the burden if keeping up any appearances (recovering perfectionist here), and I can get on with the next phase of my life.
Most things in life are temporal; some are permanent.
The quality of your life heavily depends on knowing what lies where.
Making something temporal permanent and vice versa can quickly rob you of the peace of mind and abundant life that Jesus died for you to have.
Even if you don’t believe in Jesus, mixing the two will still make your life more miserable than most anything else.
There is a time for everything; the ebb and flow of life.
Go with the flow as much as you can and don’t allow anyone, not even yourself, to ever put you in a box.
You are a dynamic, beautiful, messy, magical person.
You owe it to yourself to live the most beautiful & colourful life you possibly can.
Do just that!
With love,
Xo,
adoyosmusings
